A new exploration of motherhood and sexuality reveals significant challenges many women face after giving birth. Sexologist and author Sonia Encinas addresses the complexities of sexual desire and intimacy within the context of motherhood. Her insights highlight the profound changes that new mothers experience and how these shifts can affect their relationships and personal sexuality.
Understanding these dynamics is essential for both mothers and their partners. According to Encinas, motherhood does not negate sexuality; rather, it transforms it. She emphasizes the need for couples to recognize the mental load and responsibilities that often accompany parenthood, which can detract from intimacy. Encinas states, “The first thing that happens with new motherhood is that sexuality transforms… These changes often clash with the idea we hold of what sexuality should be.”
The impact of co-parenting—or the lack of it—plays a crucial role in the sexual lives of mothers. When partners do not actively participate in childcare, mothers can feel overwhelmed, leading to a decrease in sexual desire. Encinas explains, “When a partner fails to take on a co-parenting and caring role, the mother becomes overburdened, and the couple’s bond inevitably suffers.” In contrast, supportive partnerships can foster a more balanced environment, allowing intimacy to flourish over time.
Encinas also addresses the common feelings of guilt that many new mothers experience regarding their changing sexual desires. She points out that physiological changes during the postnatal period serve to help mothers bond with their newborns while also preventing immediate subsequent pregnancies. “We need to identify the root of that guilt,” she advises, noting that societal expectations often pressure women to prioritize their partners’ needs over their own.
Despite the challenges, Encinas asserts that the sexual experiences of mothers are rarely discussed openly. The stigma surrounding a woman’s sexual life post-childbirth contributes to feelings of isolation. “There’s a perception that if a woman is not having sex, she is not sexual. And this is completely false,” she states, encouraging a broader understanding of sexuality that encompasses various forms of intimacy and self-exploration.
The benefits of sexual activity during pregnancy are also significant, according to Encinas. She highlights that engaging in sexual activity, whether alone or with a partner, can release beneficial hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin, which can positively affect both the mother and the baby. “Where there is desire and pleasure, there are only benefits,” she notes.
Encinas’ perspective suggests that societal structures significantly impact the intimate lives of couples. The relentless demands of modern life often leave parents exhausted, making it difficult for desire to emerge. “If you want to enjoy sex, you have to try to reorganise your life so that it doesn’t drain you completely,” she advises.
In her book, The Sex Life of Mothers (published by Roca), Encinas delves deeper into these themes, aiming to shift the conversation around motherhood and sexuality. By fostering open discussions and encouraging supportive partner dynamics, she believes that couples can rediscover intimacy and connection in the postnatal period.
Encinas’ work is a call to action for both mothers and their partners to understand the evolving nature of sexuality in the context of parenthood. She urges men to take an active role in the parenting journey, emphasizing that it is not solely the mother’s responsibility to navigate these changes. By addressing the underlying issues and fostering mutual support, couples can work towards a fulfilling sexual relationship, even amidst the challenges of new parenthood.
