Being a psychologist and a solo parent to three neurodivergent children proved to be a more complex challenge than anticipated, according to Dr. Emmie Fulton. Despite her professional training in mental health, she found that traditional methods did not effectively address the unique needs of her children, who have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
In her reflections, Dr. Fulton highlights the stark reality that her expertise did not neatly translate into parenting. Her background focused on mental health strategies, which often assume a neurotypical perspective, leaving her struggling to apply these to her children’s vastly different inner worlds. The realization that conventional approaches—such as sticker charts and reward systems—yielded little impact on her children’s behavior was disheartening.
Dr. Fulton describes the emotional turmoil she experienced, often feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting. She recalls moments when she had to repeat herself multiple times while trying to accommodate the conflicting needs of her children. What calmed one child could exacerbate anxiety in another, turning her home into a “cauldron of emotions.”
Adapting Strategies for Neurodiversity
Faced with the limitations of her previous methods, Dr. Fulton recognized the necessity of shifting her mindset. She began to ask different questions when her children exhibited challenging behaviors. Instead of seeking ways to stop or prevent meltdowns, she focused on understanding their needs—whether it was safety, predictability, sensory relief, or connection.
This change in perspective allowed her to experiment with various approaches to support her children. She found that engaging in playful activities, such as roaring like a lion or having pillow fights, could effectively alleviate intense emotions. These unconventional strategies often broke the cycle of distress, providing moments of connection and relief.
Dr. Fulton acknowledges that acceptance was a crucial lesson in her parenting journey. She realized she could not fix every problem her children faced or ensure their happiness at all times. This understanding brought with it a sense of liberation, allowing her to adapt to situations rather than feel burdened by the need to control them.
Creating Tools for Emotional Navigation
In light of her experiences, Dr. Fulton founded Hero Cards, an initiative designed to provide children with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) tools to help them navigate their emotions. Drawing from her professional background, she aims to equip children with skills to recognize their thoughts, name their feelings, and reframe negative experiences before issues escalate.
She emphasizes the importance of teaching these coping mechanisms at an early age, based on the CBT skills that have significantly impacted her own life. Through Hero Cards, she seeks to address the emotional overwhelm that many children face but are often not taught how to manage.
Dr. Fulton continues to learn and adapt as a parent, recognizing that this journey is ongoing. Her insights serve as a reminder that even professionals in the field of psychology are not immune to the challenges of parenting neurodivergent children. The dual role of psychologist and parent has deepened her understanding of the complexities involved, reinforcing the notion that there is no single solution to these parenting challenges.
Her story highlights the importance of curiosity, acceptance, and the willingness to trial new strategies in the ever-evolving landscape of parenting neurodivergent children.
