As the new year begins, many couples are encouraged to engage in an annual relationship “audit.” Clinical psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson from Orange County, California, emphasizes the importance of asking seven specific questions each January to foster a lasting marriage. By addressing these topics, couples can strengthen their connection and ensure they are aligned in their goals and emotional well-being.
Essential Topics for Discussion
Dr. Nickerson advocates for a structured conversation around crucial areas of relationship health. These topics include finances, intimacy, stress management, personal dreams, health, boundaries, and shared goals. This annual assessment allows couples to openly communicate about their needs and feelings, reducing the risk of misunderstandings that can strain relationships.
According to Ministry of Justice data, divorce application rates are notably higher in the first three months of the year in the UK. Dr. Nickerson highlights that proactive discussions can help couples avoid the pitfalls of growing distance and resentment. She states, “Asking these questions once a year keeps couples aligned, supported, and moving in the same direction.”
The first topic to tackle is finances. Couples should discuss their financial plans for the year, including what makes them feel secure and how they can navigate potential financial challenges. Dr. Nickerson warns that unaddressed financial frustrations can lead to resentment, which is detrimental to relationship health.
Intimacy is another vital area to explore. This encompasses both emotional and physical closeness. Couples should inquire about each other’s feelings regarding intimacy and discuss how they can enhance their connection.
Stress, often an overlooked topic, plays a significant role in relationship dynamics. Dr. Nickerson suggests asking your partner to rate their stress levels and discussing ways to provide support. Questions such as, “What would help you feel better, calmer, and more supported?” can open the door to meaningful dialogue.
Building Connection through Dreams and Health
Discussing personal dreams fosters connection and shared meaning within a relationship. Couples are encouraged to share their aspirations for the coming year and identify steps they can take together to achieve these goals.
Health is another critical discussion area. Couples should talk about their emotional, physical, and mental well-being, including sleep, exercise, and overall mood. Questions about how partners have been caring for themselves can lead to deeper understanding and support.
Boundaries are also essential to maintain a healthy relationship. Addressing any overwhelming relationships or expectations can prevent feelings of resentment and exhaustion. Dr. Nickerson advises checking in with each other to ensure both partners feel safe and respected.
Finally, couples must establish a shared goal for the upcoming year. Collaborative planning enhances teamwork and strengthens the connection. “When couples succeed together, connection deepens,” Dr. Nickerson notes, reinforcing the idea that working towards common objectives is crucial for relationship longevity.
Dr. Nickerson acknowledges that the importance of each topic may vary among couples. She asserts, “Anything that protects safety—emotional, physical, or financial—is foundational. Without safety, openness is impossible.”
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Dr. Nickerson urges couples to be intentional about their conversations, sharing openly and listening generously. “Strong relationships aren’t built in grand gestures—they’re built in the conversations we are brave enough to have,” she concludes.
The seven key questions for couples to consider each January include:
1. How will we handle our finances this year, and how did we find the past year?
2. How can we ensure we are both happy with our levels of intimacy?
3. On a scale of one to ten, how stressed have you been, and how can I support you?
4. What are your dreams for the coming year, and how can we work together to achieve them?
5. How have you been feeling health-wise, and is there anything you feel is missing?
6. Are you comfortable with our current boundaries, and if not, how could we change them to suit you better?
7. What will be our shared goal for 2026, and how can we work together to achieve it?
By initiating these conversations, couples can create a more profound connection, ensuring their relationship thrives throughout the year.
